Sunday, January 31, 2010

Weekly Weigh-In #51

Derailled!!!

I'm up 9 1/2  CAKES pounds.  Insanity entered my life last week in the form of a well stocked dessert bar. For the first two days I was there. I just thought about it...(constantly) and  then I let myself have some and I ate way too much.  And if it had stopped there I would have been OK.  But, then I did it again and again at nearly every meal. Something just flipped and I really didn't, couldn't get the control back...

Maybe I was too stressed, maybe I was too restrictive for too long, maybe I was tired of being hungry, maybe I was self sabotaging for some deep purpose...  I really don't know.  I do know that it felt heavenly and then it felt crazy and stupid.  It doesn't really matter why it happened.  I don't think it's really worth exploring beyond what I've done right here.  I'm really more about moving forward, I do know that what I need now is to cut myself some slack, accept that it happened, love me anyway and just start working toward goal... without a deadline.  I need to be really really nice to me, because I'm feeling really wounded right now and just stay the course.  I can do this... it's just time to wipe the creme-filling off my face, tie my cute shorter hair back into a kinda ponytail and get back to order and exercise and reasonable eating that will get me to my goal. 

I looked the beginnings of an eating disorder square in the face this last week.  It wasn't pretty and it wasn't me.  I mourned the fact that I have officially missed my 140 pounds  by Valentine's.  It's not going to happen. It sucks, but we all have consequences... I can take mine like a big girl.  ...well now that I've had a good cry about it, I can take it like a big girl. 

140 will happen and it will happen as soon as I am ready.  Back to basics...  back to reason... back to not feeling like all the desserts will drop off the face of the planet any second... and I do NOT need to eat like I am going into hybernation for the winter.

The truth is... I love the food I've been eating.  I love the lack of super sweetened desserts and and how I feel.  I'm enjoying finding the next healthy food and how I best like it prepared.  I love feeling energetic and thin enough to get around easily.  I'm not leaving anything behind... I'm just moving on to something better.

3 comments:

Trish said...

I just have to say one thing.
NO ONE gains 9 1/2 true pounds in one week!
It is not all about the cakes. It's about traveling and water retention, etc, etc, etc.
I am confident that a week back in "normal" (whatever that is) and lots of fluids will correct most, if not all, of last week.

I do agree with you about the pressure. And being good and gentle to yourself.

And while you're looking forward, don't forget to look back at all you HAVE accomplished! It's incredible and it's worth celebrating!

Loves!
Trish

Me, Christy said...

OK!! Lots of fluids... coming right up.
Thanks for being here this week. I'm needing the love.
So, are you excited to go get in the bod pod on Thursday? I am!! Can't wait! Glad you're coming! Yay!!!

Trish said...

Yes! Very excited! I was a little thrilled to "need" to plan a crock pot dinner for the family for that night. I'm a nerd that way. ;)
Can't wait!

The big plunge...

Starting Weight 193.8
Week 1 194.2 - +.4
W- 2 190.2 - -4.0
W- 3 186.4 - -3.8
W- 4 186.2 - -0.2
W- 5 184.0 - -2.2
W- 6 184.5 - +0.5
W- 7 185.0 - -0.5
W- 8 183.2 - -1.8
W- 9 180.0 - -3.2
W- 10 183.2 - +3.2
W- 11 179.0 - -4.2
W- 12 177.1 - -1.9
W- 13 175.1 - -2.0
W- 14 171.6 - -3.5
W- 15 169.9 - -1.7
W- 16 168.4 - -1.5
W- 17 165.4 - -3.0
W- 18 161.9 - -3.5
W- 19 165.4 - +3.0
W- 20 163.0 - -2.4
W- 21 165.8 - +2.8
W- 22 162.0 - -3.8
W- 23 159.8 - +0.4
W- 24 158.0 - -2.7
W-k 25 156.4 - -1.6
W- 26 154.3 - -2.1
W- 27 153.9 - -0.4
W- 28 152.0 - -1.9
August 30, 2009
W- 29 149.9 - -2.1
W- 30 147.7 - -2.2
W- 31 147.1 - -0.6
W- 32 149.5 - +2.4
W- 33 151.3 - +1.8
W- 34 150.2 - -1.1
W- 35 150.8 - +0.6
W- 36 150.3 - -0.5
W- 37 149.1 - -1.2
W- 38 149.8 - +0.7
W- 39 150.1 +0.3
W- 40 156.3 +6.2
W- 41 153.3 -3.0
W- 42 152.6 -0.7
W- 43 152.6 -0.0
W- 44 150.7 -1.9
W- 45 152.4 +1.7
W- 46 153.0 +0.6
W- 47 152.3 +0.7
W- 48 150.1 -2.2

W- 49 147.5 -2.6
W- 50 146.3 -1.2
...
...
W- 53 151.0 +2.0
W- 54 149.3 -1.7
W- 55 144.9 -4.4
W- 56 144.1 -0.8
W- 57 140.0 lbs. Goal!!!!