I'm up 9 1/2
Maybe I was too stressed, maybe I was too restrictive for too long, maybe I was tired of being hungry, maybe I was self sabotaging for some deep purpose... I really don't know. I do know that it felt heavenly and then it felt crazy and stupid. It doesn't really matter why it happened. I don't think it's really worth exploring beyond what I've done right here. I'm really more about moving forward, I do know that what I need now is to cut myself some slack, accept that it happened, love me anyway and just start working toward goal... without a deadline. I need to be really really nice to me, because I'm feeling really wounded right now and just stay the course. I can do this... it's just time to wipe the creme-filling off my face, tie my cute shorter hair back into a kinda ponytail and get back to order and exercise and reasonable eating that will get me to my goal.
I looked the beginnings of an eating disorder square in the face this last week. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't me. I mourned the fact that I have officially missed my 140 pounds by Valentine's. It's not going to happen. It sucks, but we all have consequences... I can take mine like a big girl. ...well now that I've had a good cry about it, I can take it like a big girl.
140 will happen and it will happen as soon as I am ready. Back to basics... back to reason... back to not feeling like all the desserts will drop off the face of the planet any second... and I do NOT need to eat like I am going into hybernation for the winter.
The truth is... I love the food I've been eating. I love the lack of super sweetened desserts and and how I feel. I'm enjoying finding the next healthy food and how I best like it prepared. I love feeling energetic and thin enough to get around easily. I'm not leaving anything behind... I'm just moving on to something better.