Saturday, October 4, 2008

Changes

"Change in all Things is Beautiful. Happy Autumn!"

I started thinking about a particular stage in my life recently. It's a stage of life I saw on a number of occasions. I called it "LIMBO".
Limbo is that place where you are definitely not where you want to be and anything you are doing to change it is really not an instant fix... it was a process and even though I was doing what I could, I felt stuck. It's that point when you are self aware enough to know that it's going to change but until you work through the moment you are just waiting... waiting for it to get better.
I think that during LIMBO growth is slow and is associated with a lot of growing pains. I've decided recently that my longest trip in LIMBO happened after my divorce. For the most part I usually chose to make the best of it.
Alanis Morisette was going through an angry stage right about the same time and authored a few theme songs for me. I was bitter and angry and I was thankful for her insightful music that really told it how it was. Now I think that LIMBO was longer that time because I held on to my anger. Mostly I was angry with myself, but I was also angry with life in general.
OMG that stage lasted For friggin EVER!!
About that time my mom had printed up a poem or a thought on some really nice paper about choosing to be happy now. It said that too many of us think that we are going to be happy after we get a house, after we have a baby, when I finish school, after I get married, after the divorce, after the kids are out of the house, after we get that new stereo.... instead of being happy right now.
I understood the "idea" of choosing to be happy NOW, but the actuality of my situation was that the "idea" was a load of %$#@. One thing that was certain, life was changing and I was going to hang on and hope that eventually the change would be for the better.
I'm glad it's all over and very happy with the way life has turned out. Recently I made the comment that the only thing I regretted about my divorce is that I didn't do it sooner...but really the reason for that is that the pain would have been over sooner. I don't wish the pain of the path on anyone.
HOWEVER, without all that change, my life would not be as it is today.
Today I have a life that I love living. NOW I am grateful for that change and the changes that followed. I have a husband who I LOVE LOVE LOVE and who is so so the perfect man for me. I look forward to the CHANGES around the corner, and to changing TOGETHER and loving each other through the changes that make us the people we will be tomorrow. Those changes have made me who I am and I am a much better person, a much better partner, and more able to fully appreciate the wonderfulness of my Hubby and our imperfect HAPPY HAPPY life together.
Movie I must see tonight: The Upside of Anger

2 comments:

Amber said...

I love to read your blog. You give great advice and I love to see you happy and going through with the goals you set. Great job and will hear from you soon!

Trish said...

Oh how I long for Limbo sometimes.
It seems that my whole life has been about change and struggle and growth. I'm not complaining. I value those things for all they've brought me and made me.
There have only been occasional periods of limbo which I mistook for discontent. And so even then I was changing, struggling and growing. The folly of my youth. LOL
But sometimes I long for limbo. A time of quiet and rest. That's how I imagine it anyway.

The big plunge...

Starting Weight 193.8
Week 1 194.2 - +.4
W- 2 190.2 - -4.0
W- 3 186.4 - -3.8
W- 4 186.2 - -0.2
W- 5 184.0 - -2.2
W- 6 184.5 - +0.5
W- 7 185.0 - -0.5
W- 8 183.2 - -1.8
W- 9 180.0 - -3.2
W- 10 183.2 - +3.2
W- 11 179.0 - -4.2
W- 12 177.1 - -1.9
W- 13 175.1 - -2.0
W- 14 171.6 - -3.5
W- 15 169.9 - -1.7
W- 16 168.4 - -1.5
W- 17 165.4 - -3.0
W- 18 161.9 - -3.5
W- 19 165.4 - +3.0
W- 20 163.0 - -2.4
W- 21 165.8 - +2.8
W- 22 162.0 - -3.8
W- 23 159.8 - +0.4
W- 24 158.0 - -2.7
W-k 25 156.4 - -1.6
W- 26 154.3 - -2.1
W- 27 153.9 - -0.4
W- 28 152.0 - -1.9
August 30, 2009
W- 29 149.9 - -2.1
W- 30 147.7 - -2.2
W- 31 147.1 - -0.6
W- 32 149.5 - +2.4
W- 33 151.3 - +1.8
W- 34 150.2 - -1.1
W- 35 150.8 - +0.6
W- 36 150.3 - -0.5
W- 37 149.1 - -1.2
W- 38 149.8 - +0.7
W- 39 150.1 +0.3
W- 40 156.3 +6.2
W- 41 153.3 -3.0
W- 42 152.6 -0.7
W- 43 152.6 -0.0
W- 44 150.7 -1.9
W- 45 152.4 +1.7
W- 46 153.0 +0.6
W- 47 152.3 +0.7
W- 48 150.1 -2.2

W- 49 147.5 -2.6
W- 50 146.3 -1.2
...
...
W- 53 151.0 +2.0
W- 54 149.3 -1.7
W- 55 144.9 -4.4
W- 56 144.1 -0.8
W- 57 140.0 lbs. Goal!!!!